What the frak? Sci Fi goes SyFy

It's official. The executives of the Sci Fi Channel are idiots.

The Sci Fi Channel, which is owned by NBC and has been gaining popularity in recent years largely due to the critically acclaimed Battlestar Galactica — of which the series finale is airing this week — has announced that it is officially changing its name to SyFy. As one article announcing the change put it, "In some universe, the name 'Syfy' is less geeky than the name 'Sci Fi'. Dave Howe, president of the Sci Fi Channel, is betting it’s this one."

And these are the same people who seem to think that professional wrestling is science fiction. Fiction, sure. But science fiction? Of course, the Sci Fi Channel has, since its premier in the early 90s, shown more than just science fiction. Fantasy and horror have almost equal airtime. But wrestling?

Why exactly do the Sci Fi Channel execs think this branding change is a good idea? Well, here's a quote from Sci Fi Channel president David Howe:

When we tested this new name, the thing that we got back from our 18-to-34 techno-savvy crowd, which is quite a lot of our audience, is actually this is how you’d text it. It made us feel much cooler, much more cutting-edge, much more hip, which was kind of bang-on what we wanted to achieve communication-wise.

So... The name is changing because that's how it's spelled by the lol-crowd? And they think this will somehow make them cooler? Yeah. I'm sure changing the spelling but keeping the same pronunciation will really make a difference in the minds of the people who weren't previously watching the network.

The fact of the matter is that no matter how you spell it, it's still Sci Fi. If the network wants to draw a larger audience, the best method would be to show more quality programming like Battlestar Galactica and the new seasons of Doctor Who, and less garbage like wrestling and most of the infamously unwatchable movies produced by the channel. Why, for example, did Sci Fi pass on the television rights to the Star Wars movies, allowing the Testosterone Channel (otherwise known as Spike) to pick them up? Why does the channel not show more movies like Alien, Star Wars, The Lord of the Rings, The Matrix, Terminator, Back to the Future, Blade Runner, Donnie Darko, The Sixth Sense, The Thing, Groundhog Day, Twelve Monkeys, or The Exorcist? All of these would be a perfect fit for the Sci Fi Channel, but instead I see most of them aired on channels like Spike and USA Networks — which incidentally is also owned by NBC. Meanwhile, the Sci Fi Channel shows Alien Apocalypse, Alien Express, Alien Hunter, Alien Lockdown, Alien Siege — are we seeing a trend here? — and, of course, professional wrestling.

Science fiction can be cool, as evidenced by Battlestar Galactica and the previously mentioned blockbuster films. Changing the name of the channel in an attempt to seem cool or hip won't draw more viewers. Playing quality programming that targets its primary audience will. You don't have to be an overpaid network executive to see that.

A Brief History of Time (Battlestar Galactica Style)

In case you missed the last couple of episodes of BSG, here's the long view of what's been going on for the last few thousand years...

Cylons were created by humans on Kobol, and were the 13th tribe that left Kobol for whatever reason everyone else left Kobol, apparently. They've never actually explained exactly what happened on Kobol to prompt the 12 Tribes to leave and form the Colonies. (Maybe the toilet in the cellar backed up. Trust me, something like that makes you want to move out quick.)

The Cylons go to Earth, stay there for quite a while, and forget how to resurrect when they learn how to procreate sexually (and who can really blame them?). They develop their own Centurions, who naturally rebel, and the two sides nuke each other. The Five were warned of the coming apocalypse by messengers or "angels" only they could see or hear (which sound remarkably like Head Six and Head Baltar). The Five manage to escape at the last minute (actually a little after that) by having rediscovered resurrection technology.

Earth is now uninhabitable, so they head out to find out what happened to the other 12 Tribes, and warn them of the dangers of creating a slave race. Unfortunately, because they lack FTL drives and have to take the scenic route (which takes about 2000 years, though it seemed shorter to them because they were going really fast, which actually makes sense it you ask Einstein), they arrive just a little too late, as the Colonies have already developed their own Centurions, who naturally rebelled (as Centurions are wont to do).

In an attempt to end the First Cylon War -- which at the time was obviously known as merely The Cylon War, or possibly the Great Cylon War, or maybe even the Cylon War to End All Cylon Wars... wait, where was I? Oh, right -- the Five make a deal with the Centurions: "Stop the fighting, and we'll help you make humanoid Cylons like us, which you've been attempting unsuccessfully with the ship hybrids". So the Centurions end the war, and the Eight humanoid Cylon models are developed.

Except that now the Ones (a.k.a. Cavil, a.k.a. John) think mommy Ellen is playing favorites, and kills his brother Abel... er, I mean Daniel. So now there are only 7 humanoid models, rather than 8, except that there are really 12 (instead of 13) if you count the Five.

Following along so far? Oh, well don't worry. You can go back and re-read it later. Continuing right along...

John/Cavil/One/"Cain" realizes he's in hot water for killing Daniel/Seven/"Abel", and he's still pretty steamed at his mommies and daddies for giving him a pink, fleshy body instead of a Mighty Morphin' Rock'em Sock'em Robot body, so he suffocates the Five, uploads new personalities, and covertly drops them in the Colonies hoping that they'll realize that humans are stoopid and Cylons rulz. w00t!

Then, because he's still a self-hating sadist, he nukes the Colonies in an attempt to destroy that which reminds him of the things he hates most in himself -- those fleshy, weak, emotional humans. Of course, he makes sure that his mommies and daddies aren't killed in the attacks, because he's still not done punishing them for making him. He never asked to be born, after all. (Which, of course, he wasn't, but do you really want to split hairs with a megalomaniac spoiled brat in an old man's body who'd rather nuke you than look at you? Didn't think so.)

And that brings us to the miniseries, which gets good ratings. So season 1 got the greenlight, and earned critical praise. So that led to 3 more seasons and a couple of web series, as well as an upcoming spin-off and made-for-television movie. Which brings us to the present, in which the Centurions have rebelled (as Centurions do) and the Cylons have split into two groups: the uglies and the pretties, with Three/D'anna/Xena-the-Warrior-Princess taking a radioactive sabbatical on Earth. The pretties have made nice with the Colonials, the Five are back together (minus Anders' brain), and everything is slowly falling apart.

Which is all right, though, because it's all happened before, and will happen again. And they have a plan.

Beach, Barbeque, and a Good Book

It's now well into the summer, and the 4th of July weekend is rapidly approaching. If you're like me, you'll probably want to spend at least part of your vacation relaxing on the beach or by the pool with a good book or two. Here are a few suggestions for light Summer reading to get you started. Just remember one thing — wait at least 30 minutes after eating before diving into your book (and make sure to wash your hands, especially if you've been eating barbecued ribs).

• Storm Front (The Dresden Files, Book 1)
by Jim Butcher — Harry Dresden isn't your typical private investigator. His cases tend to be a bit more interesting than following a cheating spouse, and when he runs afoul of the bad guys, he's less likely to be shot than eaten. If you need to hire him, he's in the phone book — the only listing under "Wizards". Imagine Thomas Magnum wearing a leather duster instead of a Hawaiian shirt, driving a well-abused VW Beetle instead of a Ferrari, throwing fireballs instead of punches, and living with a sex-crazed talking skull named Bob instead of a verbose Brit named Higgins, and you might start to get a feel for Harry Dresden. The Dresden Files is an excellent urban fantasy series, with just the right mix of action, drama, humor, and horror (since the bad guys are often evil sorcerers, vampires, werewolves, dark faeries, and even mobsters). Storm Front is the first in the series, which is currently on its 10th installment. Each novel is fairly self-contained and can be read on its own, though I recommend reading them in order — Butcher is very good with character development, and the Harry Dresden you meet in Small Favor, the most recent novel in the series, is not quite the same man as the Harry Dresden first introduced in Storm Front.
• Odd Thomas by Dean Koontz — In the last few years, Dean Koontz has gone from an author I tended to avoid to one of my favorites, and a lot of that is due to the Odd Thomas novels. Odd is a fry cook in the desert town of Pico Mundo, California, who has two very special gifts. First, he makes exceptionally delicious pancakes. Second, he can see dead people. The latter tends to put him in some very peculiar and sometimes deadly situations. Despite the numerous tragedies he experiences, Odd approaches life with hope, humor, and — most of all — humility. One of the most unique protagonists I've encountered, Odd Thomas is simply enchanting. While technically horror, the Odd Thomas novels are humorous, inspiring, and highly entertaining.
• The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse by Robert Rankin — A serial killer is loose in Toy City (formerly Toy Town), and the old nursery rhyme characters are being killed one by one. To make matters worse, Detective Bill Winkie (who dropped the nickname "Wee Willy" years earlier), the one man who might be able to sort out the mystery, has gone missing. It's up to Bill's partner — an alcohol-soaked teddy bear named Eddie — and a newcomer to the city named Jack to track down the killer. If that sounds even mildly interesting to you, then you should really consider picking up this book. Don't think that because it's about toys and nursery rhyme characters that ...Bunnies... is a kid's book. This is a darkly humorous fairy tale, in which all of the characters you think you know are a bit twisted. Jill, for example, works at a brothel owned by Mother Goose, while Little Miss Muffet hosts a daytime talk show (appropriately called "The Tuffet"). Gratuitous sex and violence contrast absurdly (and perfectly) with the setting, resulting in a hilarious and action-packed story full of plenty of twists and turns, including a mind-bending finalé that I guarantee you won't see coming.
• The Android's Dream by John Scalzi — When a human diplomat murders his alien counterpart with a well-aimed fart, an underachieving State Department employee is tasked with locating a rare sheep in order to avoid interstellar war. If you think that sounds like the setup for an outrageous slapstick comedy, you'd be absolutely wrong. Scalzi does inject more than the usual share of humor into The Android's Dream, but despite it's ridiculous premise it's actually a very solid sci-fi adventure. Scalzi has been favorably compared to Robert Heinlein for his earlier novels, but The Android's Dream feels a bit like the bastard offspring of Heinlein and Doug Adams. The result is incredibly entertaining. Actually, I bought this book yesterday with the intention of taking it with me to the beach this weekend, but made the mistake of reading a bit over lunch. Since I finished it around midnight, I guess I'll need to go back to the bookstore tomorrow to find something else to read at the beach...

45 Forever? I Can Handle That...

While the predictions of futurists can be a bit hit-or-miss (hence the cry "Where's my flying car?!"), some end up being pretty close. Ray Kurzweil has a good enough track record for the National Academy of Engineering to publish his sunny forecast for solar energy, and I'm certainly hoping his most recent round of predictions, discussed in this recent New York Times article, is as accurate as his 1989 prediction that by 1998 a computer would beat a World Chess Champion (since IBM's Deep Blue defeated Garry Kasparov 1997).

Ray has predicted, among other things, that in another 15 years, human life expectancy will rise each year faster than we age. That sounds to me that as long as I don't manage to get myself killed in the meantime, I can be 45 forever — which doesn't sound terribly bad, actually. (Of course, the other alternative to continue growing older but never dying, until we're all nothing but shriveled, wrinkly things with no hair except what grows out of our huge ears and noses, which is a somewhat less attractive proposition...) Ray also predicts a technological Singularity sometime in the middle of this century — which any fan of Charles Stross, Vernor Vinge, Iain M. Banks, or Dan Simmons knows sounds pretty sweet.

New on My Bookshelf

With the end of the fall semester, I suddenly found myself with quite a bit more time to devote to my first love, reading, and in the past month I've devoured a sizable stack of novels. A few of those were surprisingly good, and a couple were the the best I've read in quite a while. So if you're looking for something to read in the new year, here are my suggestions.

• World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War by Max Brooks — Brooks made a name for himself with The Zombie Survival Guide. His return to the world of the living dead is a decidedly moreserious and satirical offering than his previous parody. Written in a documentary style consisting of interviews of individuals who survive a zombie pandemic in the near future, World War Z should be on your reading list even if you don't ordinarily like the zombie-horror genre. Brooks uses the premise to examine (and take some wry jabs at) many facets of the modern world, including world politics, religion, philosophy, psychology, racial and cultural stereotypes, the cult of celebrity, pop culture, and the strengths and failings of the human heart.

• Ilium by Dan Simmons — I've been somewhat apprehensive about this novel even though it's been on my list for quite a while, primarily because all of the reviews I've read talk about it's references and allusions to literary greats such as Homer, Shakespeare, and Proust. In my experience, I've found most of novels hailed by critics for their literary qualities to seem a bit pretentious, as if they were intended to display of the author's knowledge of literature and mastery of the language rather than to entertain and engage the reader. So I was delighted to discover that while Ilium is indeed amazingly literate and intelligently written, it is also an incredibly enjoyable read. Any fan of science fiction authors like Isaac Asimov, Robert Heinlein, Charles Stross, or Alastair Reynolds should find something to love about this book, but it should also appeal to history buffs or anyone who enjoys the sword-and-sandals action such as seen in the movie 300 (as a significant portion of the novel revolves around the Trojan War as described in Homer's Iliad). A minor warning, however: Ilium ends with a quite dramatic and extremely satisfying cliffhanger, and is concluded in Simmons' Olympos.